I ended up with nothing that belonged to my grandfather because I was the oldest grandchild and had spent the most time with him. While I don’t believe that possessions are more important than the time you spent with that person, I would have liked to have a little something of my grandfather’s to remind me of him whenever I looked through my jewelry box. Instead I made do with the silver unicorn necklace he gave me on my sixteenth birthday as my remembrance of him. I think part of her died with my grandfather and never came back. Maybe that’s what happens when your loved one dies and what ties you back together again in the afterlife. You leave a piece of your soul with them. Since his death eight years ago, her mind has slowly started to slide. She doesn’t leave the house as much as she used to. The only reason she leaves the house is to visit with my aunt in the next state. While there I become the villain maniacally twisting my moustache as she tells my aunt I waste her money. Playing doctor with our mothers drinking wine in the kitchen in our kindergarten years, telling each other our deepest secrets. Anything slightly interesting, and we end up sitting criss cross in the hollowed out tree in his backyard excitedly (or sadly) telling our stories. When daddy got caught i had no sexual outlet. No way to excuse myself for being sexual. I knew i liked being punished, but i didnt want to have to ask for it, i wanted to be forced. When i told shane this he got that distant look in his eyes and simply nodded his head and apologized that he didnt have a solution. But anything I needed, anything at all, he would try his hardest to get for me. I think it was in that moment, when his green eyes stared into mine, with his warm arms wrapped concretely around mine, i started the crush phase. And i was still in it when my freshman year began. I knew he wouldnt be able to give me what i wanted but i knew he cared, so i kept him around just in case. One day, i didnt.
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